We think The Onion, with their ‘it’s satire, stupid’ vibe is the most unfunny thing ever to grace the World Wide Web – on par with a Jay Leno monologue. But hey, whatever floats your boat. This week their homepage proves our point by featuring the graphic below:
We’re in tears, really.
November 6th, 2002 at 11:22 pm
I 2nd that Sam. I know who’ve been talking to, and I know why he is filling your head with that shit. Its a joke, ok? He made up a fake obituary on April Fool’s day. I can even tell you what it said. Ye of little faith. Don’t forget, that Paully is a Motorgrunt. He can’t die, unless he inhales too much Carbon Minoxide.
—-The Authentic Paully Markey
October 21st, 2002 at 11:01 pm
Shut up sam.
He’s not dead. We’ve seen him. You’ve got the wrong guy. I am calling this matter closed
October 19th, 2002 at 1:47 am
haha. that cockpunch thing is the funniest. the onion doesnt need to give an explanation as to why those people deserve a cockpunch. i just look at the picture and laugh, then i read the names and i laugh harder. Bono is #1 for a punch in the nards and dave matthews should be second! and i like the idea of the guy from creed receiving one too. YAY! for cockpunches!
October 15th, 2002 at 9:46 pm
Somebody’s majorly fucking with us, guys. Paully Markey is dead. He died from an aneursym (sp?) on January the 19th 2002. And I’ve got the obituary to prove it. I posted in on my websight. What’s fucking with me, is that this creepy fuck, whoever’s pretending to be him, wrote that on April 15th, 4 months after he died. And kept comming back to this forum til cassie responded. Then he responds like the next day, still claiming to be our long lost friend. Whoever you are, you are a sick fucking asshole, and I hope you are punished for your morbidity and insensitivity.
Sorry to all the gang. I woulda wrote this sooner, but I just got back from Milwaulkee.
—-Sam
October 7th, 2002 at 8:11 pm
Yeah, but you did drink strychnine, Paully Markey. I heard, from a reliable source, that it fucked up your stomach. And you did get your fingers bitten off by a dog. I saw the remmants myself, or don’t you remember? I’m actually kind of glad you haven’t been sent to Afghanistan. The Taliban have a vicious reputation. Maybe even too vicious for you. I heard they castrate their captured.