We think The Onion, with their ‘it’s satire, stupid’ vibe is the most unfunny thing ever to grace the World Wide Web – on par with a Jay Leno monologue. But hey, whatever floats your boat. This week their homepage proves our point by featuring the graphic below:
We’re in tears, really.
This is something ridiculous and Jay Leno and the website manager deserve a Good Cock-Punching because they are doing nothing to make the world a little better. And Bono just deserve kisses and hugs… because he is the best !
This is something ridiculous and Jay Leno and the website manager deserve a Good Cock-Punching because they are doing nothing to make the world a little better. And Bono just deserve kisses and hugs… because he is the best !
Generally I find most of the Onion’s articles laugh out loud funny. I’m not quite sure why Bono needs a punch in the crotch though. Even though sometimes he can come off as cheesy or egotistical, there are certainly other people out there more deserving of said punch. I’m not going to take it seriously though, as the Onion doesn’t hold anything sacred, much like that blogger who hates all music.
Generally I find most of the Onion’s articles laugh out loud funny. I’m not quite sure why Bono needs a punch in the crotch though. Even though sometimes he can come off as cheesy or egotistical, there are certainly other people out there more deserving of said punch. I’m not going to take it seriously though, as the Onion doesn’t hold anything sacred, much like that blogger who hates all music.
oh, come on. It’s just a dumb joke. And the Onion’s not all bad- you have to admit that “Spaghettios discontinued as Franco-American relations break down” is pretty funny.
oh, come on. It’s just a dumb joke. And the Onion’s not all bad- you have to admit that “Spaghettios discontinued as Franco-American relations break down” is pretty funny.
I have long been a fan of The Onion ever since living in beautiful Madison, Wisconsin… it’s birthplace. I have longer been a fan of U2, but I’m able to criticize the boys once in a while & notice their flaws. I usually find myself laughing very loud at the articles & graphics. For obvious reasons, THIS infographic doesn’t amuse me too much. they don’t really explain why these cock-punchable candidates need a good cock-punching. Although, I won’t hold it against The Onion. The writers have since moved to NYC & have obviously lost some of their sense of humor in the process. And besides, they gave Pop a really good review when it came out when not many people did. Here’s my own list of cock-punch needers (but I won’t say why):
1. Dick Cheney
2. Justin Timberlake
3. Former President George Bush Sr.
4. Jesse Helms
5. Trent Lott
6. The lead singer of Creed
7. Dustin Hoffman
8. Billy Crystal
9. George W. Bush
10. Usama Bin Laden
11. Jerry Glanville
12. Noel & Liam Gallager (dual punch)
13. Jerry Bruckheimer & Michael Bay (another dual puch)
14. The Backstreet Boys (5-way punch… get your friends to help)
15. Every single person profiting from September 11th (hat sellers, TV execs, football players, etc.)
I have long been a fan of The Onion ever since living in beautiful Madison, Wisconsin… it’s birthplace. I have longer been a fan of U2, but I’m able to criticize the boys once in a while & notice their flaws. I usually find myself laughing very loud at the articles & graphics. For obvious reasons, THIS infographic doesn’t amuse me too much. they don’t really explain why these cock-punchable candidates need a good cock-punching. Although, I won’t hold it against The Onion. The writers have since moved to NYC & have obviously lost some of their sense of humor in the process. And besides, they gave Pop a really good review when it came out when not many people did. Here’s my own list of cock-punch needers (but I won’t say why):
1. Dick Cheney
2. Justin Timberlake
3. Former President George Bush Sr.
4. Jesse Helms
5. Trent Lott
6. The lead singer of Creed
7. Dustin Hoffman
8. Billy Crystal
9. George W. Bush
10. Usama Bin Laden
11. Jerry Glanville
12. Noel & Liam Gallager (dual punch)
13. Jerry Bruckheimer & Michael Bay (another dual puch)
14. The Backstreet Boys (5-way punch… get your friends to help)
15. Every single person profiting from September 11th (hat sellers, TV execs, football players, etc.)
The Onion actually *is* the funniest thing ever to hit the internet. To compare it to a Jay Leno monologue is so far off-base it’s ridiculous. First of all, to really appreciate the Onion, it helps to know American pop and political culture like the back of your hand. If you’re Dutch, for instance, you couldn’t possibly get all the jokes.
Jay Leno goes for the obvious joke 99 times out of a 100. The Onion at least rewards a degree of intelligence.
As for cock-punching Bono, they’re going to make fun of anyone who sticks his neck on the line. It’s the American version of the Aussie ‘tall poppy syndrome.’
The Onion actually *is* the funniest thing ever to hit the internet. To compare it to a Jay Leno monologue is so far off-base it’s ridiculous. First of all, to really appreciate the Onion, it helps to know American pop and political culture like the back of your hand. If you’re Dutch, for instance, you couldn’t possibly get all the jokes.
Jay Leno goes for the obvious joke 99 times out of a 100. The Onion at least rewards a degree of intelligence.
As for cock-punching Bono, they’re going to make fun of anyone who sticks his neck on the line. It’s the American version of the Aussie ‘tall poppy syndrome.’
Bono deserves a cock punchin for trying to help Africa out of debt? I think the onion deserves a cock punch for not thinking that one over. But Jaret from Subway thats a classic.
Bono deserves a cock punchin for trying to help Africa out of debt? I think the onion deserves a cock punch for not thinking that one over. But Jaret from Subway thats a classic.
I hope I’m allowed to say I don’t like The Onion on my own website, thanks.
I hope I’m allowed to say I don’t like The Onion on my own website, thanks.
no prejudice, u2log
no prejudice, u2log
Of course you’re allowed to say that you don’t like The Onion on your Web site, vonb. Just be prepared for the criticism when you set up a forum on the same site asking for comments.
Hey, all in good fun. 😉
Of course you’re allowed to say that you don’t like The Onion on your Web site, vonb. Just be prepared for the criticism when you set up a forum on the same site asking for comments.
Hey, all in good fun. 😉
Yeah – you are allowed to say you don’t like the Onion. But the *unfunniest thing ever?* Surely that’s a dose of good ol’ American, er, Dutch hyperbole?
Yeah – you are allowed to say you don’t like the Onion. But the *unfunniest thing ever?* Surely that’s a dose of good ol’ American, er, Dutch hyperbole?
yes, why can’t any of you be angry at the reality of the obscene wealth and influence of ‘celebrity’, i do care that there are so many people starving in britain…while madonna, bono et al have more money than they will ever need – they do not deserve the reverence or power WE give them…..WAKE UP !!!!!
yes, why can’t any of you be angry at the reality of the obscene wealth and influence of ‘celebrity’, i do care that there are so many people starving in britain…while madonna, bono et al have more money than they will ever need – they do not deserve the reverence or power WE give them…..WAKE UP !!!!!
Isn’t it a capitalist economy? Anyone that earns it deserves it. WAKE UP and smell the entrepreneurship.
Isn’t it a capitalist economy? Anyone that earns it deserves it. WAKE UP and smell the entrepreneurship.
All I have heard lately is people dissing Bono… Hey, here’s a thought, stay off the U2 sites if you don’t like U2!!! If actually saving lives by reducing debt and raising awareness about the world is enough to make some of you people lash out at somebody, I think you are the ones with a problem!!!
All I have heard lately is people dissing Bono… Hey, here’s a thought, stay off the U2 sites if you don’t like U2!!! If actually saving lives by reducing debt and raising awareness about the world is enough to make some of you people lash out at somebody, I think you are the ones with a problem!!!
And yes, Jay Leno monologes suck!!!
And yes, Jay Leno monologes suck!!!
bono is #1 probably because wearing the american flag is illegal. (i’m canadian.. i read about this somewhere).
i don’t see what’s so great about the onion really..
bono is #1 probably because wearing the american flag is illegal. (i’m canadian.. i read about this somewhere).
i don’t see what’s so great about the onion really..
i just read lucy’s comment, and i totally agree with her. there are people starving in britain, ireland, usa, and canada, not just africa.
i just read lucy’s comment, and i totally agree with her. there are people starving in britain, ireland, usa, and canada, not just africa.
There was an article on one of the fan sites recently, that I’m sure some of you saw, about how Bono sets up contradicitions for himself… boasting wildly, and then letting the air our of his own tires. They pointed out if someone sticks a knife in him, he’ll be the first one to twist it. I think this is a classic example of its better to be talked about, then not talked about. As inane as that picture may be… well, obviously people are pretty passionate about him… and I think that’s a good thing. I also think its better to be Number 1 on the list than #5. I mean really, I’d find it more embarassing as a fan if Kevin Spacey deserved more of a punch than Bono. At least he’s on top! Have a hunch he’d see it that way too…
There was an article on one of the fan sites recently, that I’m sure some of you saw, about how Bono sets up contradicitions for himself… boasting wildly, and then letting the air our of his own tires. They pointed out if someone sticks a knife in him, he’ll be the first one to twist it. I think this is a classic example of its better to be talked about, then not talked about. As inane as that picture may be… well, obviously people are pretty passionate about him… and I think that’s a good thing. I also think its better to be Number 1 on the list than #5. I mean really, I’d find it more embarassing as a fan if Kevin Spacey deserved more of a punch than Bono. At least he’s on top! Have a hunch he’d see it that way too…
Bono needs a good punch-in-da-cock, and get back to where he’s good at: writing music. Ever since his involvement with drop the debt he’s a fucked up politician-wannabe. Not to speak about one of *their* worst performances ever at the SB; did Bono know his voice was like YUK, or didn’t anybody bother to tell him? Bono should get his life back (and finally understand that he won’t make a difference).
Bono needs a good punch-in-da-cock, and get back to where he’s good at: writing music. Ever since his involvement with drop the debt he’s a fucked up politician-wannabe. Not to speak about one of *their* worst performances ever at the SB; did Bono know his voice was like YUK, or didn’t anybody bother to tell him? Bono should get his life back (and finally understand that he won’t make a difference).
Go make some money boy, and don’t feel bad about it. You deserve it. And let go of the guilt trip.
Go make some money boy, and don’t feel bad about it. You deserve it. And let go of the guilt trip.
I thought it was a great performance, honestly, and the name-scrolling and flag-wearing wholly appropriate, if of a dubious legal nature. But then it’s Bono’s role to be provocative, and as a result he’s #1 – congrats to him! At least he’s getting attention now, which he wasn’t when he was trying to raise Drop the Debt as a hot topic on American tv (Oprah). It takes appearances with pontiffs, Bill Gates, and wearing the American flag to gain the widespread attention he needs (both for his cause and for his … umm, ego … as some people might suggest) :). As I watched that part, I knew there’d be a backlash, but then again I felt comfortable with it. Those who argue he shouldn’t have done it simply because it violates the law are not police officers, so they’re in no position to point out his breaking of the law. Additionally, I’m not entirely sure the law applies to non-US-citizens. I’m also quite tired of these nagging Americans who feel Bono should have been replaced with a Bruce Springsteen, simply because Bono’s been critical of US policies in the past. Frankly, I’d take a critical but admiring foreigner over a comfortable and patriotic American – Bono has been critical but the reason he lavishes such attention on the US is because of his belief in the unique place of American in the world and its potential for good. Speaking of bashing Bono, all of America’s greatest ideas came from foreigners …. (no, seriously, let’s not forget the Declaration of Independence)
I thought it was a great performance, honestly, and the name-scrolling and flag-wearing wholly appropriate, if of a dubious legal nature. But then it’s Bono’s role to be provocative, and as a result he’s #1 – congrats to him! At least he’s getting attention now, which he wasn’t when he was trying to raise Drop the Debt as a hot topic on American tv (Oprah). It takes appearances with pontiffs, Bill Gates, and wearing the American flag to gain the widespread attention he needs (both for his cause and for his … umm, ego … as some people might suggest) :). As I watched that part, I knew there’d be a backlash, but then again I felt comfortable with it. Those who argue he shouldn’t have done it simply because it violates the law are not police officers, so they’re in no position to point out his breaking of the law. Additionally, I’m not entirely sure the law applies to non-US-citizens. I’m also quite tired of these nagging Americans who feel Bono should have been replaced with a Bruce Springsteen, simply because Bono’s been critical of US policies in the past. Frankly, I’d take a critical but admiring foreigner over a comfortable and patriotic American – Bono has been critical but the reason he lavishes such attention on the US is because of his belief in the unique place of American in the world and its potential for good. Speaking of bashing Bono, all of America’s greatest ideas came from foreigners …. (no, seriously, let’s not forget the Declaration of Independence)
‘… I mean, they put Kevin Spacey in there. There’s much better things to do with that cock!’
‘… I mean, they put Kevin Spacey in there. There’s much better things to do with that cock!’
By the way, Tom… sounds like you’ve got a thing against the Dutch? What has my being Dutch got to do with anything, really.
By the way, Tom… sounds like you’ve got a thing against the Dutch? What has my being Dutch got to do with anything, really.
Do they say nice things about the guys at anti-U2 sites???
Do they say nice things about the guys at anti-U2 sites???
I’m with Ned here although I am not the big U2 fan that you all are (I stumbled here through Movable Type). I think that Bono sets himself up for this when he turns one way and tries to bring awareness to worthy causes, and then turns the other way and gets paid however many thousands of dollars to do the Etrade halftime show. He is rich a gazillion times over and he doesn’t necessarily need any more money to fuel his political agenda. He should get his head on straight and not charge $150 for tickets while claiming there is poverty in the world. Feel free to reply as I would love to hear an argument against this. I think Bono/U2 are great musicians, but I just can’t support him as a human being.
I’m with Ned here although I am not the big U2 fan that you all are (I stumbled here through Movable Type). I think that Bono sets himself up for this when he turns one way and tries to bring awareness to worthy causes, and then turns the other way and gets paid however many thousands of dollars to do the Etrade halftime show. He is rich a gazillion times over and he doesn’t necessarily need any more money to fuel his political agenda. He should get his head on straight and not charge $150 for tickets while claiming there is poverty in the world. Feel free to reply as I would love to hear an argument against this. I think Bono/U2 are great musicians, but I just can’t support him as a human being.
No, VonB, I have nothing against the Dutch at all. Lovely people. I was just suggesting that it would nearly impossible to ‘get’ the Onion unless you were either American or paid incessant attention to pop and political culture. And then, to call it the unfunniest thing on the Web seemed sorta American to me. Oh, forget it, I guess that didn’t make a lot of sense.
You have a great site by the way, my favorite U2 site. And you are more than welcome not to like the Onion . . . but to equate it with a Leno monologue is something I just can’t even get my head around.
Cheers.
No, VonB, I have nothing against the Dutch at all. Lovely people. I was just suggesting that it would nearly impossible to ‘get’ the Onion unless you were either American or paid incessant attention to pop and political culture. And then, to call it the unfunniest thing on the Web seemed sorta American to me. Oh, forget it, I guess that didn’t make a lot of sense.
You have a great site by the way, my favorite U2 site. And you are more than welcome not to like the Onion . . . but to equate it with a Leno monologue is something I just can’t even get my head around.
Cheers.
To come to Vonb’s defense, i’m not American and I get the jokes. Also doesn’t Vonb pay incessant attention to pop and political culture by having a U2 site? Or is Bono not classified as pop culture because hes not American? Last time I checked he was involved in both pop and political culture and so anyone that follows Bono must know a little something about it. Isn’t there something in America called freedom of speech where you”re allowed to say if you don’t like something?
To come to Vonb’s defense, i’m not American and I get the jokes. Also doesn’t Vonb pay incessant attention to pop and political culture by having a U2 site? Or is Bono not classified as pop culture because hes not American? Last time I checked he was involved in both pop and political culture and so anyone that follows Bono must know a little something about it. Isn’t there something in America called freedom of speech where you”re allowed to say if you don’t like something?
Come on! Its funny. Remember how the boys in the band realized they needed to lighten up? There is also a lot of irony in this (I can’t believe I’m going to deconstruct something called “Who needs a Good Cock Punching!”) I think that Tom made a reasonable point about this being to some degree American. This is something we need to put our “Popmart” Ironic caps on for. Yes… this piece is somewhat disrespectful to Bono. Yes it is operating on a level where someone frustrated with Bono… or Chris Mathews or whoever can laugh… but its also a rip on the mindset of the people who have those attitudes. Does everyone out there know the Onion is actually distributed in Newspaper form here in the states? Maybe that’s part of the confusion. Its a regular parody of American Newspapers, their sensationalism, their stupidity, and their willingness to pander. This is as much a joke about american papers like USA Today with their tremednously silly graphic “poll results” about “What Americans think about Chocolate bars.” The joke isn’t really only about the people on the list. Its about how it isn’t that far from reality to think something this stupid could show up on an American newspaper. Take a look at the log surrounding Paul Willis’ piece. This complements it well, only this is a parody. Bono isn’t the butt of the joke, American Newspapers and American sensationalism is. The joke is that American papers will do anything to sell themselves, but instead of showing the sort of silly graphics of happy women in bathing suits that sometimes appear in similar graphical styles on USA Today poll pages, they are taking the absurdity of those bits to a comedic level with the picture of… well you see. Again, I think it might help if everyone knows the Onion isn’t a web site first… its a parody newspaper… and the joke is that the American press is really getting terrible in general.
Come on! Its funny. Remember how the boys in the band realized they needed to lighten up? There is also a lot of irony in this (I can’t believe I’m going to deconstruct something called “Who needs a Good Cock Punching!”) I think that Tom made a reasonable point about this being to some degree American. This is something we need to put our “Popmart” Ironic caps on for. Yes… this piece is somewhat disrespectful to Bono. Yes it is operating on a level where someone frustrated with Bono… or Chris Mathews or whoever can laugh… but its also a rip on the mindset of the people who have those attitudes. Does everyone out there know the Onion is actually distributed in Newspaper form here in the states? Maybe that’s part of the confusion. Its a regular parody of American Newspapers, their sensationalism, their stupidity, and their willingness to pander. This is as much a joke about american papers like USA Today with their tremednously silly graphic “poll results” about “What Americans think about Chocolate bars.” The joke isn’t really only about the people on the list. Its about how it isn’t that far from reality to think something this stupid could show up on an American newspaper. Take a look at the log surrounding Paul Willis’ piece. This complements it well, only this is a parody. Bono isn’t the butt of the joke, American Newspapers and American sensationalism is. The joke is that American papers will do anything to sell themselves, but instead of showing the sort of silly graphics of happy women in bathing suits that sometimes appear in similar graphical styles on USA Today poll pages, they are taking the absurdity of those bits to a comedic level with the picture of… well you see. Again, I think it might help if everyone knows the Onion isn’t a web site first… its a parody newspaper… and the joke is that the American press is really getting terrible in general.
Sorry, just wanted to add another note to clarify what I’ve said. The only true way to get The Onion is to see a printed copy of it on a News stand shelf next to a copy of an American News Paper like USA today. I think you would all get the joke in that context, esspecially people who get U2’s irony, and desire to @#$% up the mainstream. Its all about context. When you see copies of the Onion side by side on a shelf with bad american newspapers I think not only would a lot of you get it, but those of you who dig the “What do you want line?” In Zooropa might just start to laugh. We’re mild and green… and cock punchers too. The joke is the media is becomming incoherent.
Sorry, just wanted to add another note to clarify what I’ve said. The only true way to get The Onion is to see a printed copy of it on a News stand shelf next to a copy of an American News Paper like USA today. I think you would all get the joke in that context, esspecially people who get U2’s irony, and desire to @#$% up the mainstream. Its all about context. When you see copies of the Onion side by side on a shelf with bad american newspapers I think not only would a lot of you get it, but those of you who dig the “What do you want line?” In Zooropa might just start to laugh. We’re mild and green… and cock punchers too. The joke is the media is becomming incoherent.
Ugh.
I never said you couldn’t say you dislike the Onion. But when you put on the front of your site that “We think The Onion, with their ‘it’s satire, stupid’ vibe is the most unfunny thing ever to grace the World Wide Web – on par with a Jay Leno monologue” you are BEGGING for a response. That’s a strong comment, and I thought it deserved a retort. But of course you can say what you like!
Ugh.
I never said you couldn’t say you dislike the Onion. But when you put on the front of your site that “We think The Onion, with their ‘it’s satire, stupid’ vibe is the most unfunny thing ever to grace the World Wide Web – on par with a Jay Leno monologue” you are BEGGING for a response. That’s a strong comment, and I thought it deserved a retort. But of course you can say what you like!
by the way, thanks Ned for a great explanation of the Onion. Well said.
by the way, thanks Ned for a great explanation of the Onion. Well said.
Poptart: Are you really that shallow, or is that only how you seem over the internet?
Poptart: Are you really that shallow, or is that only how you seem over the internet?
Tom and Vonb, at least we all agree we can’t stand Jay Leno. Are you guys familiar with the commedian Bill Hicks? There’s a CD called “Rant in E minor” with a gut wrenchingly funny routine about Leno. Hicks is the Bono of commedy. I mean that. Check him out, check out THAT disc. He died young in his early thirties which is why he didn’t go on to be invited to the WEF, but seriously, if you listen to him you’ll know what I mean. Brilliant, political, brave, controversial, and hysterically funny. Thanks for a fun post. Vonb, as I’m sure you’ve guessed from my occasional contributions, I’m a real fan of your site. Thank you for it.
Tom and Vonb, at least we all agree we can’t stand Jay Leno. Are you guys familiar with the commedian Bill Hicks? There’s a CD called “Rant in E minor” with a gut wrenchingly funny routine about Leno. Hicks is the Bono of commedy. I mean that. Check him out, check out THAT disc. He died young in his early thirties which is why he didn’t go on to be invited to the WEF, but seriously, if you listen to him you’ll know what I mean. Brilliant, political, brave, controversial, and hysterically funny. Thanks for a fun post. Vonb, as I’m sure you’ve guessed from my occasional contributions, I’m a real fan of your site. Thank you for it.
well, yeah, maybe i am just getting old !
i fell in love with bono and U2 when i was 12 and the world was a little different (i am now 32), like i say maybe age and cynicism has set in. it just makes me wonder why none of the ‘stars’ do anything about the local poverty…i feel so helpless, i am not rich, but i am asked for money by no less than six people a day (i live in ‘regional britain’) are bono et al trying to recreate bob geldof’s effort ? i don’t know. i’ve just had enough of rich celebrity’s kids with designer outfits and manicures when so many live in such grinding poverty. capitalism or not, artists have the access and the opportunity to direct people’s attention…does it always have to be to their own ‘greatness’
well, yeah, maybe i am just getting old !
i fell in love with bono and U2 when i was 12 and the world was a little different (i am now 32), like i say maybe age and cynicism has set in. it just makes me wonder why none of the ‘stars’ do anything about the local poverty…i feel so helpless, i am not rich, but i am asked for money by no less than six people a day (i live in ‘regional britain’) are bono et al trying to recreate bob geldof’s effort ? i don’t know. i’ve just had enough of rich celebrity’s kids with designer outfits and manicures when so many live in such grinding poverty. capitalism or not, artists have the access and the opportunity to direct people’s attention…does it always have to be to their own ‘greatness’
Punching Bono in the groin wouldn’t knock him down. He’s too strong and has it all upstairs AND downstairs. Don’t joke about violence…it’s comments like that that contribute to our could-care-less world. 33 concerts and counting…VIVA BONO and U2!
Punching Bono in the groin wouldn’t knock him down. He’s too strong and has it all upstairs AND downstairs. Don’t joke about violence…it’s comments like that that contribute to our could-care-less world. 33 concerts and counting…VIVA BONO and U2!
i THINK THAT ‘N’SYNC AND THE BACKSTREET BOYS NEED A GOOD COCK PUNCHING
i THINK THAT ‘N’SYNC AND THE BACKSTREET BOYS NEED A GOOD COCK PUNCHING
Lighten up you gang of crumb bums!
Cock-Punching was funny as hell. All of those mentioned are excellent candidates for the slamming punishment. Personally I would have opted for Less Herrman. But the randomness of it all makes it funnier! There are so many people out there in need of a good Cock-punch, that singleing these five out is a formula for hilariaty!. Onion Style! keep it up guy!
—-Love Paullydog
Lighten up you gang of crumb bums!
Cock-Punching was funny as hell. All of those mentioned are excellent candidates for the slamming punishment. Personally I would have opted for Less Herrman. But the randomness of it all makes it funnier! There are so many people out there in need of a good Cock-punch, that singleing these five out is a formula for hilariaty!. Onion Style! keep it up guy!
—-Love Paullydog
This is freaking me out.
Does anyone know what the hell ever happened to Paully Markey anyway?
First I heard he got part of his hand ripped off (I think by a rabid animal). That was a year ago. Until then the collective rumor had been that he chased whisky with strychnine, and choked to death on snot and blood out in Nebraska or some shit(I didn’t believe that one. Where’s the obituary?).
I assumed he got sent to Afghanistan, with the rest of the Marines after 9/11. I’m guessing he didn’t, since he, apparently, showed up here 5 months ago, and posted an Onion editorial. I’m guessing it was him. How many other Paully Markeys, that refer to themselves as “Paullydog”, can there be?
Now I’m hearing that he lives in New York, and tutors under priviliged children in the Bronx. Can somebody please verify any one of the aformentioned stories? He’s either dead, alive or in a coma. I’d like some closure on the issue of what the Hell ever happened to Paully Markey.
This is freaking me out.
Does anyone know what the hell ever happened to Paully Markey anyway?
First I heard he got part of his hand ripped off (I think by a rabid animal). That was a year ago. Until then the collective rumor had been that he chased whisky with strychnine, and choked to death on snot and blood out in Nebraska or some shit(I didn’t believe that one. Where’s the obituary?).
I assumed he got sent to Afghanistan, with the rest of the Marines after 9/11. I’m guessing he didn’t, since he, apparently, showed up here 5 months ago, and posted an Onion editorial. I’m guessing it was him. How many other Paully Markeys, that refer to themselves as “Paullydog”, can there be?
Now I’m hearing that he lives in New York, and tutors under priviliged children in the Bronx. Can somebody please verify any one of the aformentioned stories? He’s either dead, alive or in a coma. I’d like some closure on the issue of what the Hell ever happened to Paully Markey.
Cassie,
Paully Markey is alive and well and living in New York City. He passed through Boston a few months ago. The part about his hand is true. I saw it (what a freak out!)I don’t know about the rest. Oh, I also heard he drank strychnine, and fucked up his stomach, but he didn’t die. Its no urban legend. You just have to know where to find him. I can find anyone
Cassie,
Paully Markey is alive and well and living in New York City. He passed through Boston a few months ago. The part about his hand is true. I saw it (what a freak out!)I don’t know about the rest. Oh, I also heard he drank strychnine, and fucked up his stomach, but he didn’t die. Its no urban legend. You just have to know where to find him. I can find anyone
While we’re on the subject of Paully, guys, has anyone figured out WHY the hell he took strychnine?!! He mixed it with whiskey, ok fine. If you ask me that STILL requires an immense death wish. Don’t believe rumors. All we know for a fact is that he doesn’t work with us anymore. He could be anywhere doing anything. Cut this shit, before you turn him into Elvis, and people start having Paully sightings all across the country.
While we’re on the subject of Paully, guys, has anyone figured out WHY the hell he took strychnine?!! He mixed it with whiskey, ok fine. If you ask me that STILL requires an immense death wish. Don’t believe rumors. All we know for a fact is that he doesn’t work with us anymore. He could be anywhere doing anything. Cut this shit, before you turn him into Elvis, and people start having Paully sightings all across the country.
WTF GUYS!!
Of course I’m Fucking alive! I live in New York City. My email adress is Alexthecat9@hotmail.com. Please write me, before you go posting crazy stories like that! I swear on my mother’s grave that I never drank strychnine. Where the hell did you hear that one?! I was placed on high alert (Stand by, we like to call it) after 9/11. I still haven’t been deployed anywhere. Wow, you critters really are bizzare. But I miss you all the same. Please write me.
—Love PaullyDog
WTF GUYS!!
Of course I’m Fucking alive! I live in New York City. My email adress is Alexthecat9@hotmail.com. Please write me, before you go posting crazy stories like that! I swear on my mother’s grave that I never drank strychnine. Where the hell did you hear that one?! I was placed on high alert (Stand by, we like to call it) after 9/11. I still haven’t been deployed anywhere. Wow, you critters really are bizzare. But I miss you all the same. Please write me.
—Love PaullyDog
Yeah, but you did drink strychnine, Paully Markey. I heard, from a reliable source, that it fucked up your stomach. And you did get your fingers bitten off by a dog. I saw the remmants myself, or don’t you remember? I’m actually kind of glad you haven’t been sent to Afghanistan. The Taliban have a vicious reputation. Maybe even too vicious for you. I heard they castrate their captured.
Yeah, but you did drink strychnine, Paully Markey. I heard, from a reliable source, that it fucked up your stomach. And you did get your fingers bitten off by a dog. I saw the remmants myself, or don’t you remember? I’m actually kind of glad you haven’t been sent to Afghanistan. The Taliban have a vicious reputation. Maybe even too vicious for you. I heard they castrate their captured.
Somebody’s majorly fucking with us, guys. Paully Markey is dead. He died from an aneursym (sp?) on January the 19th 2002. And I’ve got the obituary to prove it. I posted in on my websight. What’s fucking with me, is that this creepy fuck, whoever’s pretending to be him, wrote that on April 15th, 4 months after he died. And kept comming back to this forum til cassie responded. Then he responds like the next day, still claiming to be our long lost friend. Whoever you are, you are a sick fucking asshole, and I hope you are punished for your morbidity and insensitivity.
Sorry to all the gang. I woulda wrote this sooner, but I just got back from Milwaulkee.
—-Sam
Somebody’s majorly fucking with us, guys. Paully Markey is dead. He died from an aneursym (sp?) on January the 19th 2002. And I’ve got the obituary to prove it. I posted in on my websight. What’s fucking with me, is that this creepy fuck, whoever’s pretending to be him, wrote that on April 15th, 4 months after he died. And kept comming back to this forum til cassie responded. Then he responds like the next day, still claiming to be our long lost friend. Whoever you are, you are a sick fucking asshole, and I hope you are punished for your morbidity and insensitivity.
Sorry to all the gang. I woulda wrote this sooner, but I just got back from Milwaulkee.
—-Sam
haha. that cockpunch thing is the funniest. the onion doesnt need to give an explanation as to why those people deserve a cockpunch. i just look at the picture and laugh, then i read the names and i laugh harder. Bono is #1 for a punch in the nards and dave matthews should be second! and i like the idea of the guy from creed receiving one too. YAY! for cockpunches!
haha. that cockpunch thing is the funniest. the onion doesnt need to give an explanation as to why those people deserve a cockpunch. i just look at the picture and laugh, then i read the names and i laugh harder. Bono is #1 for a punch in the nards and dave matthews should be second! and i like the idea of the guy from creed receiving one too. YAY! for cockpunches!
Shut up sam.
He’s not dead. We’ve seen him. You’ve got the wrong guy. I am calling this matter closed
Shut up sam.
He’s not dead. We’ve seen him. You’ve got the wrong guy. I am calling this matter closed
I 2nd that Sam. I know who’ve been talking to, and I know why he is filling your head with that shit. Its a joke, ok? He made up a fake obituary on April Fool’s day. I can even tell you what it said. Ye of little faith. Don’t forget, that Paully is a Motorgrunt. He can’t die, unless he inhales too much Carbon Minoxide.
—-The Authentic Paully Markey
I 2nd that Sam. I know who’ve been talking to, and I know why he is filling your head with that shit. Its a joke, ok? He made up a fake obituary on April Fool’s day. I can even tell you what it said. Ye of little faith. Don’t forget, that Paully is a Motorgrunt. He can’t die, unless he inhales too much Carbon Minoxide.
—-The Authentic Paully Markey